Snack Review: "tizer"

I left early for work today because I  thought I might need some time to mentally prepare  before it got busy, I work at a restaurant in downtown Frederick that is open late and is busy often. When I arrived at work I found myself parched and with 50 min before my shift started, I wandered across the street to the British Import Store. I searched the aisles for anything that looked kooky and foreign, what I came across was tizer, a harmless enough looking soda with the slogan "itz red, it even TASTES red". I also grabbed a "Curly Wurly" a candy bar similar to the Scrumdidly-umptious in Willy Wonka and the chocolate factory. The Curly Wurly was wonderful, but tizer was exactly like the advertisement had warned, it tasted like red, and red tastes bad. With an uneasy feeling in my stomach I had to start to work, and then stop 5 min later. I found out that "itz red" is when it's going in and "shitz red" when it's coming out. tizer gave me one horrible night of constant worry and running to the bathroom every hour. tizer... burn in hell. Your "fruit flavoring" is sub par, like a combination of strawberry and suck, or strawberry and blow. In short only drink tizer if you hate your asshole.